With so much dating advice available now online, there are also many relationship-related key terms being tossed around that we are quickly learning. One of the key buzzwords coming to light more recently is “narcissist” or “narcissistic personality disorder”. A narcissist is defined as, “a person who is overly self-involved, and often vain and selfish”. And, while many of us have been led to believe that our relationship problems stem from our own faults or actions, many people are putting the pieces together and figuring out that the problem could actually be a toxic partner. So, how do you know if you are dating a narcissist? Here are three major signs to look out for:
Do you ever feel like “the dumb one”? Or, perhaps you feel as though you constantly have to prove yourself to your partner to make them see that you are sometimes correct? Narcissists often have the strong inner belief that they are always correct. In their minds, they are very intelligent and so it wouldn’t make sense for them to be incorrect about something.
Now, don’t become discouraged right away if you feel as though this describes your partner. Narcissists also do not take it well when you correctly prove them wrong. You see, narcissists believe that they are better than everyone else. If you prove them incorrect on any topic, even small matters, you will break their sense of perfection and make them feel vulnerable. Often, even if you prove them correct they may still try to find a loophole that will somehow allow them to believe they are still more correct than you.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist you may find yourself often confused or in a constant state of questioning yourself. Narcissists often hesitate to define relationships, because they feel the need to keep their options open just in case someone more beneficial to them comes along. In addition, since they have the inability to reflect on their own behaviours they often leave their partners feeling insecure and unsure.
For example, let’s say your partner promises you an engagement ring for the holiday season. The holiday season comes and goes, and you decide to ask them why they did not fulfil their promise. Instead of holding themselves accountable for letting you down, a narcissist may claim that they never made the promise in the first place. Or, they may turn it around on you and bring up arguments you may have had in the recent past and claim that your actions made them change their mind about marrying you.
Disgusted By Happiness
Narcissists strongly believe they are the best person, in all regards, in the room. On the outside this may make them seem confident and strong. However, it really means they are constantly comparing themselves to their friends, family, and partners. Since a narcissist wants to maintain their perfect self-image, they often become discouraged and upset by other people’s happiness. For example, let’s say you received a new job or promotion at work. The narcissist partner will instantly begin gathering information to ensure they are still making more money than you. Or, they may have a lacklustre response to your success.